Falling
I keep seeing it replayed in my mind’s eye. Scarlett and Jemima running off, laughing, towards our bedroom. Me and J turning to follow them. I shout, “Come back, you two! It’s time to go downstairs and get dressed.” I think I might have called them pickles or, maybe, monkeys. The usual post-bathtime chaos. In the corner of my eye, I see Evie starting off downstairs on her own.
Then she falls.
I don’t remember if she screamed. I do remember her cartwheeling forwards and landing on the side of her neck, arms thrown out sideways. Then over again, arms and legs still flailing. And bang! She hits the wooden hall floor with the back of her head.
Everything stops. I’m frozen, looking down over the banisters. Suddenly the stairs seem incredibly steep.
I glance over at Jemima and Evie, reflexively checking that they’re alright. They haven’t even reached the door to my bedroom yet. Everything has happened so fast that they’ve barely taken two steps. They look round, still laughing; but quieter now, as if they can sense something has happened.
At the bottom of stairs Evie draws in a massive breath and breaks the silence with a scream that makes my stomach tighten. Jan thunders down the stairs to pick Evie up. I scoop up her sisters.
“What’s Evie done, Daddy?”
“She’s fallen, love. She’s fallen down the stairs. Don’t worry. She’ll be all right.”
I hope to myself that I’m right.
By the time I’ve carefully picked my way downstairs, a crying J is sitting on the sofa holding s o tightly to an inconsolable Evie it’s as if she’s in danger of falling all over again. Tettie and Jem stand watching as I put my arms around them both.
I shudder every time it comes back to me; I forget what I’m doing; I find myself staring into space as I see my little girl tumble and thump down those stairs.
We spent most of that evening in A & E. The doctor we saw wanted her to stay up for a few hours to check she didn’t start being sick or show any of the other more serious effects of a head injury. Evie had calmed down by then. In fact, she was remarkably perky, playing with the toys, chatting away happily. Probably because of the attention she was getting. We realised, as we sat in the children’s waiting room, that this was the first time in her entire two-and-three-quarter years of life that Evie had been alone with both her mum and dad for any length of time. I can’t say that thought alleviated my guilt very much.
Nor did the doctor asking flatly whether it was normal for her to be allowed to walk down steep stairs on her own.
I told the doctor that I was worried about her shoulder, but she could reach up when he lifted a toy so he didn’t pay much heed. When I’d first held her, her shoulder had felt horribly loose, like it wasn’t in its socket. But by then it was back to normal and although she said it hurt, we assumed it must just have been bruised.
That night she slept in her parents bed, between J and I, where she couldn’t possibly fall out.
A couple of days afterwards, she was back in A & E. Her shoulder had been making her cry at night (I’d last been woken with “Daddy! Shoulder hurting! Need to see a doctor!” cried over and over). She screamed if any weight was put on it when she was lifted. This time the hospital x-rayed, which revealed a break in her collar bone.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so pitiable as her sitting there having her arm strapped up in a little sling.
7 Responses to 'Falling'
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Oh heavens…… That brought a tear to my eye. Accidents are unavoidable sometimes – don’t carry any guilt with you. You know that as a parent you cannot be literally holding their hands 24 hours a day. I always look forward to reading your updates to see how the girls are – it’s a bit of a shock to find a post like this one as they are normally full of positives and good news. Poor little thing. What reaction did Lettie and Jem have to Evies fall and her sling? Are they being very protective of her? x x x
Rachel
21 Apr 08 at 11:04 pm
Poor, poor Evie. That sounds so scary. I’m glad she’s okay, and the strong images you have of the fall will fade over time, I promise.
Elizabeth M
22 Apr 08 at 2:05 am
Ah! I only come here to read every few months, and I think I have commented a sum total of twice, but I have to comment here because wow, what a gross experience for you. (For everyone else as well, of course. But I have a feeling Evie will forget it before her parents do.) This is stranger-girl from Australia offering a sympathetic comment. (I don’t understand why doctors don’t jump on parental instinct more. It very often tells you something medical observation hasn’t.)
Annie
22 Apr 08 at 7:32 am
Oh how incredibly Scary. I promise that over time you won’t be seeing those images quite as vividly in your head. My son has given me scares like this a few times and he’s still around to scare me again. Your girls are gorgeous and although this is my first visit to the blog, I have read a few of the entries now and I am enjoying it very much. Thanks for sharing your life!
Meg
25 Apr 08 at 9:36 pm
Normal for her to be allowed to walk down steep stairs on her own? Pshaw. My son was going up and down the stairs on his own well before he reached your daughters’ age. (Not that we had much choice; he figured out how to pick the lock on the stairgate when he was two.) And, yes, he did fall once, though fortunately he caught his leg in the banisters on the way down and thus didn’t get as far as landing on the ground and breaking anything. A child who makes it through childhood without at least one nasty fall or other form of accident is a child who’s waaaaay overprotected. Glad she’s almost unscathed, hope the collar-bone heals up soon, and it’s great to see you blogging again after such a long hiatus!
Sarah V.
26 Apr 08 at 11:42 pm
Your girls are the same age, give or take, as my niece, who insists on walking up and down stairs on her own. We, equally stubbornly insist that she goes downstairs on her bottom. Guess who wins? I completely relate to what you’re saying; Isobel fell down the stairs at our house maybe a month or two ago? I can’t remember the exact date, but you can see it happening, and can’t get there in time, and you feel horrendously guilty. We were very fortunate in that she managed to avoid doing anything more serious than winding herself, but it could so easily have been worse. Lots of good thoughts coming your way, and I hope Evie feels better soon.
Hayley
27 Apr 08 at 8:37 pm
Your girls are about a month younger than my twin girls… They LOVE to climb stairs by themselves… it scares me to no end.. I’m so sorry you had to go through this… I promise, she will be fine, and you will too!!!!
MommyMoments
28 Apr 08 at 8:08 am