My Diary of Triplet Fatherhood

We went for the 20 week scan on Thursday. Everything is OK although it took a long time to find that out. We were in the scanning room for over an hour and a half, made worse by the fact that J was dying for a wee so had to nip out half way through and when she got back all the babies had swapped places. Little devils. Not that I’m complaining. We usually don’t get to see them for more than a minute or so on each visit.

Eventually though the ultrasonographer was able to count all their vertebrae, measure their femurs (measuring the thigh bone’s length is the most accurate way to calculate a baby’s age) and skull circumferences and count all their fingers and toes. As usual the twins, Wriggler and Bruiser, were busy kicking one another in the head while Snoozer lay peacefully in his own bedroom… I mean, amniotic sac. It’s great to see them all moving and know they’re healthy.

There’s a lot less room in the womb for them now. Even two weeks ago there was a lot of fluid around them that they could float about it. On Thursday there was much less so I can only imagine how squashed they’ll be in a few months time. And how much more head kicking ‘ll go on.

We’re moving at work this week so I shan’t be able to post the scans until we’re settled. They’re good though. One has all three babies on which hasn’t been the case since week seven. You can see three circles – a head and two tummies – all lined up.

J has been feeling the babies move for about a week. She describes it as a “slight fluttering”. It’s in a different place each time, sometimes in two places at once. At first she wasn’t sure if it was the babies at all, it was such a light sensation, but she’s certain now.

I have been trying to feel them move as well but they kept stopping whenever I pressed my hand to J’s bump. They start moving when I talk to them though which is brilliant. I don’t know, of course, whether it’s because they recognise my voice or whether it’s just because of the racket that they start to wriggle. It’s still great.

On Friday I felt them for the first time. J said they were moving so I placed my hand where she told me they were and I could feel the littlest movements. It was amazing. I touched my own children for the first time!

As a dad, it sometimes feels a little like I’m removed from the pregnancy. Everything is happening to Janet, leaving me to offer support and watch the process unfurl. When I felt them it all became a lot more real for me.

I can’t wait to feel the again (they’ve gone back to freezing whenever I try and feel them again) and also to see them on Thursday when we have the big 20 week scan. The ultrasonographer has to examine each of them so it may take 2 or 3 hours but that’s fine with me. I love Baby TV. Even three hours probably won’t be enough.

I finished going through the entire baby name book last night. Phew. It’s taken ages. I had to do it in short bursts too as after while of reading name after name they began to blur together and I found I wasn’t really considering them individually.

But we now have a long list of possibles. It’s good that the list is long, actually, as we need so many names. Nine boys and nine girls names in fact, and in combinations that sounds good, that don’t match but are equally simple to spell when the kids learn to write, with the eldests child last alphabetically, and with each name suiting the child who’ll have to live with it.

On top of that I really want my children’s names to have stories behind them. I want to give them stories that are theirs’ alone.

Unfortunatley, J wasn’t too impressed with the idea of calling them Alexander, Napoleon and Charlemagne after the World’s greatest conquerers when I suggested it last night. Perhaps a look at the Hundred Greatest Britons and Famous Women From History List will offer inspiration. Greek heroes perhaps… Odysseus, Theseus and Hercules? Talking of Hercules, how about detectives? Hercules (Poirot), Sherlock (Holmes) and, um, Columbo? Ironside? Hmmm, Columbo… how about explorers? Columbus, Magellan and Livingston, perhaps? Or maybe not.

In the meantime the long list is over there ———|>

I’d love people to leave comments about them.

Over the past week or so, I have been wondering about what demands dealing with three kids the same age will create. I can recall the jealousy one can feel as a kid; even with a brother who was 4 years away in age I sometimes felt I was losing out for my parents affection.

Part of childhood is trying to work out who you are and I think it’s important the answer to that question not be “I’m one of the triplets”. Even if J and I try our best to downplay it, they won’t be able to escape being one of three, I’m just concerned that it not become what defines them. If that were to happen, I can only see it leading to jealousy as they compete within their artificial group of three. If they’re one of the triplets it prompts them to ask if they’re the best or worst triplet. There’s an exclusivity involved.

I have more than enough love for them all. I want them all to know that. I guess the the way to do that is to treat them all as equal but individually valuable and special. To encourage them to define themselves by what they like and what they want not within an artificially restricted arena. That’ll mean we have to work towards encouraging them overtly by giving them each attention, encouraging them to express themselves and creatively promoting situations where they are not in competition while subty making sure they are in an environment where each can excel and feel special.

A book J was reading the other day recommended giving the baby born last a name with a first letter nearer the begininning of the alphabet so that child would be first at something. That’s the kind of pro-active thing we’ll have to do. We’ve already decided not to give them matching names and to spend time with each one individually as often as we can manage but I’m sure there’s more than that we could be doing.

All children compete for their parents’ attention. With three the same age, with the same level of development and interests I think J and I will probably have to be extra careful to ensure none of them feel excluded or even that they have to compete with the others.

Ask me again in eighteen years if we managed it.

Went for a scan with J yesterday at Jimmy’s and everything is still OK. I’m more optimistic each time we go now. It’s been good news every time. The babies are all the same size which is good. I was reading about the dangers of sharing a placenta as two of them do, and it’s not uncommon for one to get more nutrients because it’s umbilical cord attaches nearer the centre. So far no sign of that though. There was a trace of sugar in J’s wee apparently. That can mean a danger of diabetes. It’s worrying but the doctor said it was only slight and could just be a natural spillage of sugar from the kidneys. Personally, I think it’s all the giant marties J was eating the night before.

Everyone was really nice to us. Seems like having triplets is a bit like being a celebrity. And, from what I’ve read, it only gets worse when they’re born. Even parents of twins (who should know better) stop you in the street to ask about the triplets.

Anyway, here’s the scan. I have put labels on because soe people have found it a bit difficult to decipher the images. Not suprising really. Me and J find it easy because we have seen them moving around but a still image isn’t nearly so clear.

There’s one baby in each of the birth positions: cephalic (head- first), breech (feet first) and transverse (sideways). They’re a lot more squashed together than last time. One (Wriggler, I expect) was kicking another repeatedly in the head while another (Bruiser?) was lying with his belly over anothers head. It looked like a collapsed scrum. Perhaps they’ll be rugby players.

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What a lot of names we need! Me and J have decided not to learn the sexes until the babies’re born which means, if we’re to give them 2 middle names each, we need nine girls and nine boys names plus some spares. Several names have come and gone but currently we have: Daisy, May, Avril, Solomon and Noah. Not sure about

Avril and May though. The’re both month names and the more I read about twins and triplets the more it becomes clear that calling them matching names and dressing them alike is a bad idea. They’ll have a hard enough time asserting their own characters already without forcing them into the same mould.

I also like Sheherezade but J doesn’t and I guess they’d only end up being called lucozade or something. Other off beat ideas were names with X in (Xavier, Xanthe, Ajax, Beatrix, etc.) but only because I’ve always thought it’d be cool to sign my name “X” or have it as an initial.

I want the names to have a story behind them though. I’ve always liked that when I was a kid I my parents could tell me about famous Ferguses.

Anyway, any suggestion? Feel free to leave a comment.

Went with J for another scan yesterday. This is the longest we’ve had to wait between scans since we first went to Jimmy’s. I can’t imagine how other people cope without getting to see Baby TV every 2 weeks. Personally I could watch them wriggling about and turning over and kicking all day.

It’s the single most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Every time we go for a scan I lose the ability to speak. I really am dumbstruck. Wriggler, Snoozer and Bruiser (as I’m still calling them) are the most beautiful and enrapturing thing.

I wonder how much it would cost to buy an ultrasound scanner so we could look at them every day…

*checks Google*

…$6000 – $30,000 apparently. Maybe not, then.

Anyway, here’s the pictures. I haven’t put arrows on this time as I think it’s pretty obvious which bit is baby now.

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