My Diary of Triplet Fatherhood

Here’s the pictures from thursday’s scan. They’re not particularly clear this time. The ultrasonogropher couldn’t get a good view. All three babies had arranged themselves into a triangle this week which mean there was a bottom in the way every time she tried to get a clear picture of a baby’s head. Little imps. I can see they are developing advanced naughtiness tactics already.

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We went for another scan this morning. It was our twenty four week one and they measured the babies again.

The good news is that the babies are all fine. They’re perhaps a little small for their ages but nothing outside the normal range for babies at 24 weeks. One of the twins is a little larger than the other, however, and one also has less amniotic fluid. I’m not sure if it’s the same baby in both cases. The consultant said it was unlikely, but this might be a sign of twin-to-twin transusion syndrome. Because of the risk, they now want to see J every week instead of every 2 weeks.

Also, there is a small amount of funnelling in J’s cervix, although it hasn’t shortened at all since they checked. Again, the consultant said this wasn’t too unusual. With the weight of three babies pressing down on the cervix, it’s only natural that it might open a little. As a precaution, howver, the consultant decided J should have a steroid injection to stimulate lung growth in the babies. One of the greatest dangers with premature babies is that their lungs are not well enough developed. It’s not too suprising that lungs are the last organs to grow. After all, they perform no function in the womb (although babies do practice breathing fluid before they’re born). J had one injection today and has to go back for another tomorrow.

This is the first time everything hasn’t been perfectly fine and I had grown used to it. We’d been really worried the first few times we went to the hospital but each time it was needless and so, for the last few visits, I had hardly worried at all. In fact I had come to look forward to these hospital trips: watching baby TV, taking J out of the house for a bit, seeing how they were doing, feeling part of things. Now I’m worried again. Not only are they making preparations for a premature birth but there are risks to be watched out for, and all we can do is wait and see. Also, I feel guilty for forgetting how high risk this pregnancy is.

I had come to terms with the idea that J would give birth at 32 or 34 weeks – which is at least two months away. Today brought it home to me that it may be a lot sooner than that. Really, we’re just trying to get to 28 weeks – the cut off point for the babies having a much better chance of even living – and that’s in four weeks time. In four weeks so much could have happened: We could have babies in SCBUs across the North of England or J could still be pregnant or she could have been brought into Jimmys for hospital monitoring and daily cervical scans or… well, lots of things could have happened, many of which don’t bear thinking about.

But the fact remains that right now the babies are, as far as we know, fine. We have three babies. Their hearts are beating, they kick and move about, and they are being looked after as well as anyone could possibly look after three beautiful, precious, unborn babies. And that’s good news.

I was kicked awake this morning. I think it was Bruiser. I had been sleeping with my arm around J and the first thing I registered as I hazily ascended into consciousness was a thumping under my palm. At some point recently the babies movements have changed from flutterings to thuds so it wasn’t too hard to tell that it was a baby I was feeling. What a great way to start the day!

It got better though. J moved my hand over to another spot (where Wriggler normally lies at the top-left of her tummy) and there was kicking there, too. Well, not just kicking. He was really going for it – kicking, punching, turning over, generally earning his nickname. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve rarely felt more than one baby move in such close succession. In fact, once I feel one and talk to them, they have been in the habit of freezing still until I take my hand away (or at least that’s what J tells me).

Feeling both Wriggler and Bruiser moving was such a great way to start the day. But it got better again. J moved my hand again to the bottom of her tummy. I’d never really felt the baby move there which, according to the consultant, wasn’t unusual. It’s much more difficult at the bottom of the womb. There was definite kicking there, too. It was deep and not as easy to feel as those higher up but I felt it.

When I talked to them they all kept on moving. Now, I don’t know if they moved because they recognised my voice and like it (which is what I hope) or if I was just keeping them awake and they were doing the gestational equivalent of banging a broom handle on the ceiling (which I suspect) but nevertheless it was thrilling.

As a dad, pregnancy is very much a second-hand experience. I look after J, who in turn, cares for the babies. Being able to feel them moving makes me feel so very much closer to them all. I love them so much and I guess, even in such a limited way, it’s nice to be able to express that love by making contact.

I just hope they don’t go back to freezing when they know I’m there again.

I have just finished making an interactive baby gift list. Lots of people have asked us if there’s anything we need and so I’ve taken a list of all the stuff were planning on buying and put it into a web page.

It’s pretty terrifying seeing all the stuff we’re going to need. Not only will it cost lots but i’m not entirely sure we actually have a house big enough to fit it all into. I have visions of me and J clambering over mountains of nappies, mattresses, cots, baby gyms and baby clothes to get anywhere! Although perhaps I am just a little traumatised by how big the pushchair was.

Anyway, feel free to pop over and have a look, if only to marvel at the wonders of modern technology.

J had been having shooting pains in her lower abdomen yesterday evening. It’s supposed to be quite common. At least, J said she had read of lots of other women with similar symptoms on the Tamba forums. Today it had got worse but J didn’t want to go to the hospital to have it checked out. When I spoke to her at lunchtime and it still hadn’t gone, I came home from work and took her.

They saw us straight away and did lots of tests, concluding eventually that it was muscular. I’m really glad we went. It’s much better to do something and not have to worry than worry and not do anything, after all.

I just hope there aren’t too many more alarms. Or at least they’re false ones like today.

We went for another scan on Thursday. The babies are all fine. The scan was to measure J’s cervix so they only had a brief look at the babies to check heart beats and give them the once over. The ultrasonographer was amazed how easy it proved though. All three babies were lined up in a row, head down. All she had to do was run the head of the scanner over J’s belly once to see all the heart beats.

She had never seen a set of triplets in such a good position so she took a picture of all three of their heads, lined up in a row.

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Otherwise, J’s cervix has shortened a little but that is quite normal apparently, at this stage of pregnancy. And it’s still longer than many womens’ are to begin with.

Anyway, here’s the scans of each individual baby…

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Here’s the best scan from last time. Sorry to anyone who’s been waiting to see these. Newer pictures coming up though so I’ll jst post this one pic.

I’m not sure which baby it is exactly but it’s one of the clearest yet. The baby is in profile so you can see exactly the shape of his (or her) face. Don’t they look so much more like babies now!

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And here’s a version with the face outlined.

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Aren’t scans amazing? I just wish we could afford one of the 4D scans they do in Barnsley. They truly are amazing. Here’s one from the website

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Mind you, they’ll be here soon. Twelve more weeks at the most…

Some haikus on the triplets I wrote this lunchtime…

It was a bargain
But that in no way suggests
The thing’s not immense

Babies, Jan and I
Prove mathematically
One times one is five

No need to worry
How can anything be wrong
When I love them so

One in eight thousand
Being blessed by chance I feel
One in a million

I like OT names
Solomon, Isaac, Jacob
But not if they’re girls

I’ve got butterflies
Before this summer is out
I’ll be a bloody dad

Stop and look around
Two pairs of footprints led here
But Five stretch away

and one for J…

Immobility
Great choice: sofa or bedroom
Damn doctor’s orders

and for me…

Haiku making’s fun
Poems’re easy without rhymes
But must get back to work

J and I decided a while ago that we wanted to get a pram with all three seats inline so we’d have at least half a chance of getting through doorways. The best model seemed to be the Peg Perego Triplette. Unfortunately they’re not available in this country so we would have to either buy one on ebay or get it shipped from Italy. The last one on ebay went for more than it costs to buy new so we’d resigned ourselves to spending over £500 importing a new Triplette from Italy. However another came up last week and so we waited and watched it and even with only an hour to go it was at £250 so we went for it, waiting until there was only a minute or so to go before bidding… and won! It was £340 in the end but that’s still much better that paying the full £500 (although it’s still more than my last car cost!)

It’s massive. Really, really big. Huge. So big in fact I’m considering attaching a cow catcher to the front. It’s sitting in our front room at the moment (if you can have a front room in a back-to-back terrace) and when I look at it I realise just how many funny looks we’re going to get taking it anywhere. Apparently it’s common to be stopped a lot when you have triplets (and asked the same questions – something I’m used to being 6’6”). Pushing this thing people will stop us just to comment on the pram.

At least we won’t have to take it to the supermarket. Asda are going to make us a special trolley with three baby seats. Although people will probably stop to ask about that instead…

Anyway, here’s a picture (along with J looking pleased with her new acquisition).

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And it doesn’t even look as big in that picture as it is in real life.

I have felt the triplets moving a lot in the last week. J has been telling me when they wake up so I’ve been able to catch them out quite a lot. It seems to be that when she shifts position they wake up, have a little kick, get comfortable and drop off again. Quite cute really: like they’re copying her.

Mostly I can only feel tiny, occasional movements as they (I assume) shift position but sometimes they really kick out hard. Also, sometimes I can feel hard patches on J’s tummy that I guess are heads pressing on the wall of her womb; one is on the bottom right of her bump where Snoozer is lying, and one on the top right of her tummy which is either Bruiser or Wriggler. It’s all very exciting.

We saw the position of each child on the scan so I know I’ve felt them all move now. The wonder and pleasure that touching my babies gives me is indescribeable: I know they’re alright, somehow they’re more real for being able to feel them, and I love them so much – feeling them in J’s tummy is the closest I can get to hugging them and holding them and keeping them safe.

I’m hyper-aware of how vulnerable they are because this pregnancy is so high risk. I think I would have felt protective anyway. We lost two babies last year, J miscarrying at around 12 weeks each time, so I know that pregnancies can go wrong. However, there are a lot of additional risks with triplets. We have no idea how premature they will be. If it’s too early they have very little chance of survival as their lungs will not have developed enough. There’s a chance they won’t all grow at the same rate or that the identical twins will have twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, that they’ll suffer permanent disabilities such as learning disabilites, sight or vision loss, cerebral palsy and a host of other things. Even if none of that happens, they’ll be small for their ages and have weak immune systems (compounded by the fact they’ll give each other any bugs they catch) all of which means they’ll need more care than other children, and have to spend quite a while in the Special Care Baby Unit (possibly in three different hospitals – maybe as far apart as Newcastle, Sheffield or Manchester) probably coming home at different times. Knowing they have all that ahead of them makes me much more protective of them, and J. When I feel them kick it makes me feel like they are OK, at least for a moment.