My Diary of Triplet Fatherhood

Some people seem to immediately understand when I ask if they would mind not referring to my daughters as “the triplets”. Others require some explanation. But everyone, I’ve been relieved to discover, respects my request.

Being a multiple is a rare experience but it’s that very rareness which can cause some problems, and I want to head these problems off before they become a burden on my girls. Sure, I can see why it’s natural to lump all three of them together: Their looks, their sizes, their ages; so much about them is similar. But that doesn’t mean they are the same.

They’re only similar, in fact, until you come to know them, then you see that they are as different as any three sisters, despite sharing an environment since the moment they were born.

Take personality. Jemima laughs easily and shrugs off falls or disappointments, she’s fearless and yet well-meaning; it’s often her that makes the others laugh, initiating games of peekaboo or exploration. Scarlett is strong-willed and quick; she picks up activities easily, often seems to decide what everyone will play, and generally ends up with whatever toy she has her eye upon; yet she’s also thin-skinned and finds being challenged or disappointmented hard to bear. Evie is thoughtful; more likely to sit alone, playing quietly with her toys, she cuddles for longer before pulling away to investigate whatever happens to have caught her eye and is good at copying words and sounds; yet, despite being smaller than her sisters, has already learned to not let them take her toys or push her around and despite her thoughtfulness takes the most joy in bellowing joyously at the top of lungs when the mood is upon her.

Personality, of course, demonstrates itself in how we act, not just how we interact, and all three already show different interests and ways of expressing themselves. For Jemima, the leap from rolling to crawling was a wondrous thing and yet it’s Scarlett who loves to walk. If ever I try to put her down she arches her back to end up standing, and becomes furious if I fail to take her hands and walk with her several times around the room. When we play with stacking blocks, Scarlett tries intently to balance them like I do while Jemima has most fun waiting me to build towers so she can smash them down or just quietly goes around putting the blocks back in their box, and Evie cares little for stacking, a few attempts and then she’s off to find which blocks make the best noise when whacked together.

And while they may be monozygotic they are not identical to look at, either. Despite having the same colouring, to me, at least, they look very different. In part, I think it’s that they hold their faces differently. Their personalities are already becoming written on their features. It’s especially noticable in the midst of emotion. Their smiles are unique. Jem’s is lopsided and cheeky; Scarlett’s, raucous; Evie’s, giggly and slightly shy. And the same holds true for when they cry. Scarlett’s crying is tinged with outrage; Evie’s with desperation; Jem’s, great disappointment.

I realise not everyone can see these things straight away. But I also realise people never will if they place all three girls in a box as “the triplets” and never give their uniqueness a chance to shine.

So, please, if I haven’t asked you already, while they are triplets, they are not the triplets. And if you cannot get “Evelyn, Scarlett and Jemima” out in one breath, perhaps just ask after them singly. Trust me, getting to know them each as individuals is worth every moment of effort.